I Just Fixed The Economy

I keep hearing economic experts say that the value of gold is on the rise. Perhaps I am missing something but gold is pretty useless, right? If a global depression hits what the hell are we suppose to do with a bunch of gold jewelry? It is a soft metal so you can’t build anything out of it, and it is not the best conductor of heat or electricity. I think economists are playing a practical joke on us. I think they have figured out what really is valuable, and it is something random – like potatoes. Think about it. Potato skin is said to be very nutritious, you can store them at room temperature, and they are very filling. Which makes them good things to have around when everyone is poor and hungry.

These economists are just trying to throw us off of their path. I bet if we went to their houses they would have huge potato farms in their backyards. And no gold. And this isn’t the first time they have done this. Remember when we learned about the salt trade in history class? Salt was the most valuable thing back then, and people were shipping salt across the oceans to seaside ports and trading it for God-knows what. But these civilizations were by the sea. Which is full of saltwater. That just doesn’t make any sense. And nowadays salt isn’t worth anything. We go to fancy health food stores and pay more money to have low-sodium options. That means we are paying more money to have less salt. Economists have been screwing with us for years.

Not convinced? Well, need I remind you about Beanie Babies? People were telling us that they were worth hundreds of dollars. Beanie Babies are tiny stuffed animals that you could buy at gas stations and flea markets. I bet you owned one. There was a whole Beanie Baby market, and people were buying and selling them like stock brokers on Wall Street.

This is why I have decided to create my own economic ranking system. If a global depression hits, I will be prepared because with a little pre-planning I have figured out which items will be the most valuable:

1. Potatoes (which are cheap so everyone can have lots of them at a low cost which is what I call a win-win)
   
2. Vodka (self-explanatory. And can be made from potatoes. I win again.)

I am pretty sure I just solved the economic crisis. You’re welcome.

DMV on Brookshire

Going to the DMV is always an eye opening experience - am I right?

But, if you go to the DMV on Brookshire and ask for Michael, you'll not only get friendly service...but also lesson in:

• How this part of the state was settled by Irish and Scottish decendants
• How a man used to take a woman's name in marriage
• How "Western NC BBQ isn't real BBQ but I eat it just the same b/c I really don't give that much of a hoot"
• How wearing a white scarf around your neck in your license picture makes you look like a pilgrim.

Michael was glad that I got to take a new picture (without my white pashmina on this time).

Diddy's To-Dos

Here's a few things that were on my to-do list for today:

1. Laundry
2. Renew Red N Diddy URL
3. Rollover my 401K
4. Thank you notes

Here's what I've actually done today:

1. Took an iPhone pic of the skirt I want my husband to buy me for my birthday at J Crew
2. Bought "The Firm" workout DVDs from a girl in the parking lot of Mac's Speed Shop*
3. Ate 4 Pepperidge Farm Mint Milanos
4. Watched "Cake Boss"

*Stop freaking out - it's called Craigs List people.

More Questions for Justin Bieber

Dear Justin,

Now that I've heard your single on the radio, I'd like to answer my question (Who is Justin Bieber?) with another question:

Are you a twelve year old song-boy singing about adult relationships with shawtys in laundrymats?

Also, about your hair in the video....

Here, you are in a laundry mat which is indoors. But, your hair is being blown forward by that same windstorm on your album cover?

Here, you are outside (better chances here for wind). But still, your hair seems to be reacting to weather that just doesn't seem to exist?

Here, you are hugging a bunch of puppies (I'll need a whole other post for this because you can't hug puppies and use the word "shawty" in the same song). But, more importantly, your hair is still caught up in that damn wind storm. I hope the puppies are going to be okay.

While scrolling through the comments on your video, I found another confused listener.

TheFloley agrees with me. In fact, TheFloley is obviously so frustrated with your hair, that TheFloley didn't finish the comment.