Fergalicious

I’m going to come right out and say it. Fergie has absurd lyrics. Glamorous is Fergie’s attempt to convince her fans that she has remained unchanged by fame and fortune. Is this just a retread of Jennifer Lopez’s Jenny From The Block circa 2001? Well, Fergie – J-Lo didn’t fool anyone then, and you aren’t fooling anyone now. Allow me to summarize this musical masterpiece for you:

• Fergie starts the song telling us that we need to take our broke asses home - an odd way to start a song about how you have remained unchanged by the music biz, wouldn’t you agree?
• She spells some words, then spells them again later on.
• She throws out some examples of her humble and down-to-earth lifestyle: first-class flights, popping champagne, limos, the Grammys, things that cost a lot of money, and gold and diamond rings.....
• She says the word “flossy” a lot. And according to Urban Dictionary, “flossy” refers to someone that is extremely flashy or showy. ..or what the pot calls the kettle:
  

• Fergie’s use of the word glamorous: 37
• And, finally the icing on the cake – the final verse:
  If you aint got no money take your broke ass home
  My daddy told me so
  If you aint got no money take your broke ass home
  He let his daughter know
  If you aint got no money take your broke ass home
  My daddy told me so
  If you aint got no money take your broke ass home
  He let his daughter know
  Is anyone else wondering what the hell is up with Fergie’s dad? He sounds like a jerk. How old was she when he gave her this advice? Perhaps he should have given more parent-appropriate advice such as, “Don’t pee on yourself in public” or “Stay away from crystal meth”…..I’m just saying
  

If you want to see the lyrics for yourself, here they are:

Are you ready?
If you aint got no money, take your broke ass home
If you aint got no money take your broke ass home

G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yes
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

We flyin’ first class, up in the sky
Poppin’ champagne, livin’ my life
In the fast lane, I won’t change
By the glamorous, ooh the flossy flossy

The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous
The glamorous, ooh the flossy flossy
The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorousThe glamorous, ooh the flossy flossy

Wear them gold and diamond rings
All them things don’t mean a thing
Chaperons and limousines
Shoppin’ for expensive things

I be on the movie screens
Magazines and boogie scenes
I’m not clean, I’m not pristine
I’m no queen, I’m no machine

I still go to Taco Bell
Drive through, raw as hell
I don’t care, I’m still real
No matter how many records I sell

After the show or after the Grammys
I like to go cool out with the family
Sippin’, reminiscing on days
When I had a mustang, and now I’m in

First class, up in the sky
Poppin’ champagne, livin’ my life
In the fast lane, I wont change
By the glamorous, ooh the flossy flossy

The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous
(Glamorous life)
The glamorous, ooh the flossy flossy
The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous
(Glamorous life)
The glamorous, ooh the flossy flossy

(Ludacris)
I’m talkin’ champagne wishes, caviar dreams
You deserve nothin’ but all the finer things
Now this whole world has no clue what to do with us
I got enough money in the bank for the two of us

Plus I gotta keep enough lettuce to support your shoe fetish
Lifestyles so rich and famous, Robin Leach’ll get jealous
Half a million for the stones, takin’ trips from here to Rome
So if you aint got no money take your broke ass home

G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yes
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

We flyin’ first class, up in the sky
Poppin’ champagne, livin’ my life
In the fast lane, I won’t change
By the glamorous, ooh the flossy flossy

The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous
(Glamorous life)
The glamorous, ooh the flossy flossy
The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous
(Glamorous life)
The glamorous, ooh the flossy flossy

I got problems up to here, I got people in my ear
Tellin’ me these crazy things that I don’t wanna know
I got money in the bank, and I’d really like to thank
All the fans I’d like to thank, thank you really though

Cuz I remember yesterday, when I dreamt about the days
When I’d rock on MTV, that’d be really dope
Damn, it’s been a long road and the industry is cold
I’m glad my daddy told me so, he let his daughter know

If you aint got no money take your broke ass home
My daddy told me so
If you aint got no money take your broke ass home
He let his daughter know
If you aint got no money take your broke ass home
My daddy told me so
If you aint got no money take your broke ass home
He let his daughter know