T-Pain, we are a little concerned about you. It is true that you have a lot going for you right now: money, fame, success, a nice new necklace. We don’t blame you for wanting to enjoy this time in your life and share it with someone special. However, your choice in women is somewhat questionable. We don’t want to come down too hard on you, but as your fans we feel that we need to express our opinion about your recent behavior. You have shared some feelings with us, and we would like to take this opportunity to examine those feelings. Hopefully we can clarify your issues and stop all of this nonsense.
T-PAIN: VOLUME 1 (THE STRIPPER)
G**damn Lil Mama You know you thick as hell
You know what I’m sayin? After the club
You know what I’m talkin’ bout?
Me and my ni***s gonna be together
You know what I’m sayin?
I aint worryin' about them really though
I’m just looking at you, yeah s**t you know
You got them big a** hips, g**damn!
Are you drunk?
T-Pain please pull it together. You have hardly said three sentences and have still managed to ask us multiple times if we “knew what you were saying” or “knew what you were talking about.” And frankly, the answer is no. We don’t.
Got the body of a goddess
Got eyes butter pecan brown
I see you girl, droppin' low
She coming down from the ceiling, to da tha floor
Yeah, she know what she doin’ (yea yea yea)
She doing that right thang (yea yea yea)
I need to get her over to my crib and do that night thing
Cause I'm in love with a stripper
Easy, Tiger. She has a nice figure, we get it. But in love with her? Already? Have you even spoken to her? We don’t mean to judge, but she is a stripper. Did she also tell you she was working to pay her way through college? Yep, thought so.
She poppin she rollin, she rollin
She climbin that pole and
I’m in love with a stripper
We are pretty sure that the popping and rolling refers to her dance moves, but perhaps you are trying to tell us something deeper…Popping pills? Rolling on Ex? If so, these are red flags, T-Pain. Mind-altering drugs can’t be good for her career. As an entertainer she should be focused.
She trippin she playin, she playin
I’m not goin nowhere girl, I’m stayin
I’m in love with a stripper
Oops – she tripped? That is exactly our point - it is hard enough to dance in those clear plastic heels sober, much less when you are on smack.
Out of all the girls she be the hottest
Liking the way she break it down
I see you girl! (spinning wide)
And she looking at me (in my eyes)
She got my attention (yea yea yea)
Did I forget to mention? (yea yea yea)
I need to get her over to my crib and do that night thang
Cause I'm in love with a stripper
You are reading too much into this. Do you fall in love with everyone that looks in your eyes? We feel this is not a foundation for love.
She can pop it, she can lock it
Teddy PenderAss is about to see this sexy girl (in my bed)
She don't know what she is doing (to my head)
So, we asked around and found out that you have nicknamed yourself Teddy PenderAss after the R&B singer, Teddy Pendergrass. We are assuming this is meant as a play on words suggesting you have a lot of sex. You probably do, but we just wanted to point out that Teddy was in a car accident in the 80’s and is now paralyzed from the waste down. Do you see where we are going with this? We think you should come up with a new alter ego – one that makes sense.
She turning trick's on me (yea yea yea)
She don't even know me (yea yea yea)
I done got her over to my crib to do that night thang
Cause I’m in love with a stripper
It appears your new girlfriend is turning tricks on you. That means that she is a hooker, T-Pain. She doesn’t love you in return. The truth hurts, but it is for your own good.
Now, get out there and meet someone new…
T-PAIN: VOLUME 2 (THE BARTENDER)
Broke up with my girl last night so I went to the club (so I went to the club)
Put on a fresh white suit and a MiniCoop sitting on dubs (sitting on dubs)
Whew, thank God you took our advice and broke up with the stripper. And you bought a new car! Good for you! Wait a second, you bought a Mini Cooper? Are you moonlighting as a white sorority girl or a British person? This car does not fit your image. Don’t panic – we will get you a new car tomorrow.
I'm just looking for somebody to talk to
And show me some love (show me some love)
If you know what I mean...
Everybody's jockin' me as soon as I stepped in the spot (I stepped in the spot)
200 b**ches and man ain't none of them hot (ain't none of them hot)
Except for this pretty young thing that was workin' all the way at the top (all the way at the top)
Shorty what is your name?
200 ugly women? What club is this? Sounds sketchy. I think you should go somewhere else. But leave the car here – we will take a cab…..Oh wait, you saw a pretty one? Who is it?
She made us drinks, to drink
We drunk 'em, got drunk
And then I think she thinks I'm cool
She gave me a wink, I winked back
And then I think that, we hit it off something proper like...
Of course you are cool! We tell you that all of the time. That stripper really messed with your confidence. This new girl made you drinks? Does she work here?
I like the bartender
FOR GOD SAKES, T-PAIN!!! Again??? Did you not learn anything from the stripper incident? Did it ever occur to you that these women work for tips? Of course she winked back at you!
(oh if you're looking for me)
I'm at the bar with her (uh-huh, OK)
I like the bartender (yeah if you're lookin' for me)
I'm at the bar with her (oh uh-huh, OK)
All right fine, you are the boss. We will come find you at the bar if we need you. But Listen, exactly how many drinks did she make you? We didn’t want to say anything but you seem kind-of hammered. You keep repeating yourself.
Got a brand new girl so I'm feeling all good inside (all good inside)
Feel like I put some brand new 24's on a brand new ride (on a brand new ride)
No need to brag, jackass. She makes you happy. Fine. Good. Whatever. We are just glad you took our advice on the Mini Cooper and decided to get a new ride.
Triple shot of patron on the rocks with little bit a lime (with a little bit a lime)
I'm just keeping it real (Uh-huh)
You had 3 shots of Patron! You were already drunk from those drinks she made you earlier. You said so yourself. We told you to ease up, remember?
Baby still working at the club so I'm getting in free (so I'm getting in free)
Wednesday night I'm on the list T-Pain plus 3 (T-Pain plus 3)
Every time I hit the spot baby girl taking care of me (taking care of me)
How do you think I feel?
Listen, are we included in the “plus three”? You have to admit we have given you some really solid advice lately. Not that you owe us anything…just think about it. Oh, and to answer your last question, we think you feel “all good inside” – you just told us that. You can’t even remember what you said two seconds ago. Seriously, the Patron was a bad idea.
Oh she made us drinks, to drink
We drunk 'em, got drunk
And then I think she thinks I'm cool
She gave me a wink, I winked back
And then I think that, we gonna have fun at my spot tonight
This woman is really over-serving you. Should we alert the management?
I like the bartender
Ok, fine. You like her. We won’t say anything....
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