Aren’t you the manly lead singer of a rock band? Didn’t you want to “live in hilltop houses, driving fifteen cars”? I’d like to believe that. But, recently nothing about your music paints a picture of someone who is not a whiny, over-dramatic 13 year old girl.
Look, perhaps you’ve been going through a rough patch. Everyone has them. What you need is a friend to yank you out of “needless drama-ville” and save your career. Friend or not, I’m here to facilitate.
Now, follow along with me and let’s trade those whiny pants in for some leather ones.
Photograph
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
how did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?
I’d love to laugh with you about what the hell is on Joey’s head. But you didn’t show me this photograph and I’ll never get to see it. This is the same as laughing about an inside joke in front of someone that wasn’t there. 13 year old girls do this. You see where I’m going.
This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out
I don’t know what the point of all that was. But, it seems better suited in a bulleted list on a Power Point slide titled: “Four Irrelevant Things About my House”.
This is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times
Are you saying that you didn’t attend school during regular hours? You just broke in, instead? What could you possibly have stolen half a dozen times? DO NOT brag about your criminal record unless there is something manly and dangerous on it.
I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in
Oh oh oh
Oh god I, I
Wow. Take it down a notch, huh? The dilemma of returning to school is NOT this dramatic. Plus, you’ve already stolen everything you need to graduate right? Problem solved.
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye
How OLD are you? You certainly don’t “look” like you are still 13 years old - longing for the social life you left behind to become a manly rock star. Perhaps this is just a tad over-dramatic, and…late? And just to nitpick , are you walking out the back door or the front door? Where are you?
Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops see us hanging out
They said somebody went and burned it down
Dry your eyes. Sounds like you had a gaming problem and it’s a good thing that you left this town to make thousands more than you ever dreamed you could spend at the arcade.
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
Uggh.
Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She’s had a couple of kids since then
I haven’t seen her since God knows when
Oh oh oh
Oh god I, I
No comment. You should know better.
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on the bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
I would prefer that you actually specified here what that one thing is that will never change. However it’s probably that Kim girl with all the kids who still won’t go out with you. Move on man. Manly rock stars lose touch with their old friends and only date celebrities.
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
I’m picturing you on your bedroom floor looking at all your pictures. I’m not attracted to you and I do not want your poster on my wall. For Pete’s sake, go get a drink with Akon or shoot some pool with T-Pain or something. You could even call this guy again. He looks fun.
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me...
…Cry? I’d bet all of the proceeds from this album on it. Honestly, I wouldn’t risk having an open-ending like this. Remember Mad Libs? There’s no telling what people are filling in that blank with.
Regards,
Diddy
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